HeadLess
by Eternal.Angel
Summary: [Crack] Hyoutei is about to lose their minds. Or is someone going to become headless?


Eternal.Angel  
October 7, 2007 to October 8, 2007

**Disclaimers:** I do not own any part whatsoever of Prince of Tennis.  
**Summary: **What if Hyoutei had to take care of…a chicken? Oh dear. Enjoy! _And don't forget to review please!_

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_HeadLess_  
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"Atobe, you're saying that…we have to take care of a chicken?" questioned Shishido as he raised a brow when he noticed Kabaji bringing in a brown cardboard box into the tennis locker room. 

"Ore-sama is obliged to take care of this chicken, because Ore-sama has been paid to take care of the chicken!" beamed Atobe as he proudly placed his hand onto his chest and shone brightly.

"…"

"Why can't you just have your maids and servants take care of them, gekokjyu…" muttered Hiyoshi under his breath as he folded his arms and snugly placed his head on top of his hands.

"Because Ore-sama is fond of chickens!"

"…"

"That's just weird!" intervened Gakuto as he scratched his head when Kabaji placed the box onto the ground. "Atobe liking chickens? OMG ATOBE MUST BE EMO!"

"ORE-SAMA IS NOT EMO!" hoarsely yelled the captain of Hyoutei.

"Seriously, Keigo," said Oshitari, "How will taking care of a chicken benefit us?"

"Because then we will have money for the tennis club, and they don't get any refunds!" remarked Atobe as he smirked. _I am so smart_.

Shishido rolled his eyes as if he read his captain's thoughts, "Sure, whatever. Can't we just murder this thing though?"

"No, you shouldn't Shishido-san!" cried Choutaro as he jumped out of nowhere and onto the box, embracing it tightly. "That's animal cruelty!"

"Fine, Choutaro," said Shishido with a heavy sigh. He could never argue with his beloved partner, after all!

"THEN I WILL MURDER IT!" decided Gakuto loudly as he firmly took a step forward. "JIROH, MY SIDEKICK! GET ME A KNIFE!"

Jiroh, who was sleeping so peacefully with his thumb in his mouth, awoke from the loud, booming voice of the acrobatics player and immediately awoke from his nap. "YES GAKU-CHAN!" He hopped away and dug through a random box in the corner and returned with a sharp kitchen knife, the blade pointing upwards as it shone and reflected brightly in the lights.

"MY EYES!" cried Atobe dramatically as he shielded himself from the light. Everyone stared at him with raised brows, and blinked.

"What? Ore-sama can't act DRAMATIC?" retaliated Monkey King as he placed a hand over his chest, emphasizing the last word as he smiled proudly to himself.

"…I think that's why sensei fired you as the prince of our play…"

"SHUT UP!"

"Jiroh, knife!" commanded Gakuto as he placed on a doctor's uniform he stole from an appointment once. Jiroh, his sidekick, was dressed the same way and handed the knife to Gakuto.

"HERE, GAKU-CHAN!" cheerfully said Jiroh. The two placed on their gas masks and quickly Muhaki reaped the cardboard box to pieces. As the pieces of the box fell to the ground…

"SQUAWK!"

…a white chicken emerged from the middle of the container, and began flapping its wings energetically as it cooed and cawed loudly.

"SUGEE! IT'S A CHICKEN!" cried Gakuto with delight.

"DUH, it's a chicken," said Shishido as he rolled his eyes.

"Wow, it's so cute and feathery!" commented Choutaro as he bent down to pet the feathery farm animal. However, the chicken, being sensitive, hopped and began flying around the boys' locker room crazily, flapping its wings at a monstrous and fast rate.

"COME BACK HERE, CHICK-CHICK!" called Jiroh loudly as he threw off his doctor's suit and ran after the bird. Choutaro, a lover of animals, tagged along, right behind the over-ecstatic third year.

"Choutaro! Be careful! Chickens are harmful!" warned Shishido, his brows furrowing. He always worried about his doubles partner.

"How are chickens harmful? I mean, they're so cute and all!" interjected Gakuto as he followed the two tennis players chasing after the chicken furiously with his eyes, the pair sweating profusely.

"And it tastes good too!" added Atobe, his pointer finger shooting upwards.

"Usu."

"YOU EAT COMMONER'S FOOD!" shouted Gakuto as he pointed his finger at Atobe in shock.

"CHICKEN IS NOT COMMONER'S FOOD!" yelled back Atobe.

"Usu."

"See, even Kabaji agrees!"

"…well, DUH! KABAJI CAN ONLY SAY 'USU', ATOBE!"

"HA! ORE-SAMA WINS!"

"…"

"I got bitten by a chicken once," said Shishido with a sigh after a moment of silence.

"SO THAT'S WHY YOU HATE THEM! HOW DARE YOU!" screamed Gakuto as he pointed his finger at Shishido this time.

"WHAT?! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO HATE ON CHICKENS IF I WANT!"

"NU-UH! THAT'S WRONG! ANIMAL CRUELTY!"

"STUPID! ANIMAL CRUELTY IS ONLY WHEN YOU ABUSE THE ANIMAL PHYSICALLY, NOT MENTALLY!"

"SO?! THERE'S ALSO…um…ANIMENTALITY CRUELTY!"

"What the hell is that word?!"

"It's combined with animal and mentality, see? HA!"

"You just made that up dude – that doesn't make it official."

"…shut up…"

"Kabaji!" ruthlessly said Atobe as he directed a finger at the flying animal, "Catch the chicken for Ore-sama to have for dinner tonight!"

"Usu," said Kabaji emotionlessly, and he left the side of Atobe to proceed into catching the animal.

"SEE?!" said Shishido with emphasis, "THAT is animal cruelty!"

"OMG! I NEED TO SAVE THE CHICKEN!" cried Gakuto as he jumped and tried to push Kabaji flat to the ground. Except he just bounced against the muscled junior high student and hit a locker door square with his head.

"…ouch."

"…idiot," muttered Shishido under his breath as he slapped his forehead.

"NO! KABAJI SHOULD NOT TOUCH CHICK-CHICK!" wailed Jiroh as he tried his best to block the big man from getting the chicken.

"Come back here!" ordered Choutaro as he continued running after the chicken, breathless at this point. He collapsed in the middle of his running and lay motionless on the ground.

"NO, CHOUTARO!" dramatically cried Shishido as he rushed to his partner's side and began mourning. Now everyone was staring at him with raised brows; then blinked.

"…shut up. I know what you're thinking."

And they all looked away to divert their attention towards the chicken and Kabaji, who now had his hands nearing the furry bird. The chicken, stoned in place and staring right at the miniscule eyes of the rather large second year, stood straight as a stick as Kabaji's hands were about to seize it.

But really, Kabaji didn't have anything to seize the chicken by anymore.

Because its head was hanging by the few plaited feathers that strung it to its throat.

"ZOMG KABAJI MURDERED THE CHICKEN!"

"Kabaji didn't murder the chicken; neh, Kabaji?"

"Usu."

"SEE! KABAJI IS INNOCENT!" roared Atobe, short and to the point.

"WE GET IT ATOBE!" yelled back Shishido full blast as he covered his own ears.

"It's not fair…" whined Choutaro as he buried his face into his hands, mourning for the nearly-headless chicken.

"SUGEE! THE CHICKEN IS HEADLESS!"

"Senpai, its head is still connected to its throat, gekokojyu," pointed out Hiyoshi (and when we thought he would never speak again!)

"THAT'S JUST FREAKY!" yelled Gakuto and Jiroh as they hugged another tightly.

"…you guys are gay?"

"NO!" yelled Gakuto.

"YES!" yelled Jiroh.

"…ok…" said all under their breaths, INCLUDING Kabaji.

"Seriously, who nearly chopped that chicken's head from its throat?" questioned Choutaro with a serious tone. "That's just cruel!"

"AND IT'S DEAD!" yelled Gakuto as he pointed at the motionless bird lying on the ground, feathers scattered.

Then, it twitched.

IT TWITCHED.

"ZOMG IT TWITCHED!" yelled Jiroh as he did the happy dance. "IT'S ALIVE!"

"IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!" hollered Shishido with surprise, backing away from the animal that was now rising from its laying position. The chicken began to run around crazily while its hang bobbled and bounced against the column of its feathery throat. It collided against a locker and proceeded to continuously squawk around.

All the regulars followed the chicken with their eyes, and officially spazzed out.

"ORE-SAMA WILL NEVER EAT CHICKEN AGAIN!"

"Usu."

"I DON'T WANT TO GO ON ANOTHER TRIP TO THE FARM AGAIN!"

"I AM NEVER SETTING MY EYES ON A CHICKEN, EVER, AGAIN!"

"I AM GOING TO MURDER THIS THING THIS INSTANT!"

"CHICKENS ARE SCARY NOW, WAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Gekokojyu…that hen from Between the Lions is scary…"

"You watch Between the Lions?"

Hiyoshi shrugged. "Is it wrong to? I actually learn some English."

"…"

"…'gekokojyu' yourself…"

"EVERYONE! RUN AWAY FROM THIS MONSTROUS CHICKEN!"

"OH MY GOD IT'S COMING THIS WAY!"

"I'M JUMPING ONTO THE BENCHES!"

"I'M CLIMBING ONTO THE LOCKERS PEOPLE!"

"I'M GOING TO JUMP OUT THE WINDOW!"

"You know, you're going to hit the tennis pole if you jump right out."

"I know, but it's better than being chased by a nearly headless chicken."

"That reminds me of Nearly Headless Nick from Harry Potter, gekokojyu…"

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING HIYOSHI!" yelled everyone in unison.

"JUST RUN!" commanded Gakuto, being smart for once.

While Kabaji carried Atobe from harms way and Hiyoshi sat on the top of a bench, and Choutaro squeezed into a tall locker, and Shishido climbed onto the top of the lockers, and Jiroh clung to the ceiling lights, and Gakuto jumped out the window (hitting the tennis pole in the process), the nearly headless chicken ran around.

Indeed, not only way the chicken nearly headless, but everyone else was.

* * *

"Should we come out now Shishido-san? Even if the locker has holes in it, it's hard to breathe," wondered aloud Choutaro.

"I think it is ok," replied Shishido with confidence. "Everyone, come out now!"

Everyone slowly crept out of their hiding spots and stood firm on the ground. They glanced around their surroundings nervously, hoping not to find a white feathery chicken waddling around with its head nearly detached from its neck.

Instead, they found it lying on the ground again, with a pencil sticking out from its throat.

"OMG THERE'S A PENCIL STUCK IN ITS THROAT!" yelled Gakuto.

"SUGEE! I NEED TO TAKE A PICTURE OF IT!" squealed Jiroh as he ran to find a camera in the boys' locker room.

"Gekokojyu…"

"That's just animal cruelty!"

"At least…that thing is murdered."

"Shishido-san!"

"At last! Ore-sama can rest in peace without being haunted by chicken ghosts!"

"Usu."

"Are there such things as chicken ghosts?"

"WHO STUCK A PENCIL IN ITS THROAT?!"

"I GOT THE PICTURE! IT'S WICKED COOL!"

"That's mean!"

"Usu."

"I did."

"WHO DID?!" yelled all the regulars in unison, as they turned their heads and diverted their attention towards someone who had gone for quite a bit, a certain tensai. He emerged from the shadows and expertly played around with the small kitchen knife in his right hand.

"Particularly, I'm not fond of chickens."

* * *

"Keigo dear, how is the chicken coming along?" 

"...Great, just great...say, are there any refunds for this thing?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"Good...very good..." replied Atobe as he excused himself from the dinner table, rubbing his temples in the process.

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_Owari_  
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**A/N:** Don't ask me where I got this idea. But yes – if a chicken's brain stem has not been cut, it can still live; and when you stuff something down its esophagus, it will die when it is in a nearly headless state. XD Please review and give me any feedback! I am very happy to be criticized because there is always room for improvement. Arigatou! 

Ja ne, and I do not own any part of Prince of Tennis!

_Eternal.Angel_


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